What is PDA?

PDA, or Pathological Demand Avoidance can be thought of as a subtype of Autism. Not every autistic person will also have PDA, however a person must be autistic to have PDA. PDA is not a recognised diagnosis in the DSM-TR and is not formally recognised in Australia. In the UK, however, it is recognised and there has been quite a lot of research conducted in the area.

So how do you know if you or your child has PDA? People with PDA tend to experience very high levels of anxiety and there is a strong need for them to feel in control. Demands and expectations placed upon them can be very distressing and the response form children may comes across as them being oppositional. In fact, I believe many PDA children are incorrectly labelled as having ODD, or Oppositional Defiance Disorder, as they appear to refuse to do things you ask of them for no particular reason. In reality, the demand itself is overwhelming and perceived as a threat and the child's defenses rise. When asked to do something, their sense of control is threatened. Often, people with PDA will feel compelled to even resist demands that they want. For example, being asked if they want to go to a place they enjoy.

As much as they want to go, the demand of being asked and the anxiety around losing control of what happens next is too much for them to handle. Parents of PDA children often feel like they 'can't do anything right', because no matter what they offer, it is refused.

People with PDA will often seem to socialise well, however they are frequently experts at social mimicry and work hard to manipulate the social situation, potentially being quick to anger if their peers resist playing the way the PDA child wants them to.

As a parent of a PDA child, what can you do? One of the easiest things you can do is to use declarative language. Declarative language does not require a response from the other person. The purpose is to share information, which removes the sense of it being a demand. Instead of saying to your child, 'would you like to visit grandma today?', you might instead say, 'I wonder what grandma's up to today'. You're not asking the child a question and instead opening up an opportunity for them to suggest something themselves.

The other thing you can do is simply to reduce the demands when your child is having a hard time. How much does it matter if they have a pyjama day on a day you have nowhere to be? Do they really need a shower today? Functioning in a neurotypical world is incredibly taxing for neurodivergent kids and they're much more likely to burn out. If they have time to recover, they'll be much more likely to then be able to meet some of those expectations again.

Do you suspect you or your child might be PDA? Reach out to me if you need further support.